Is it okay for Christians who are dating to kiss?
Thank you for your excellent question. The Bible does not really tell if it is okay for Christians who are dating to kiss. Personally I don’t see any problems with kissing when you are dating someone you would like to marry. However, kissing could lead to some situations that could be embarrassing to Christians. Let me share with you some Biblical guidelines about dating.
Let the relationship progress step by step.
II Peter 1:6-7, TLB
“Next, learn to put aside your own desires so that you will become patient and godly, gladly letting God have his way with you. This will make possible the next step, which is for you to enjoy other people and to like them, and finally you will grow to love them deeply.”
What to avoid on dates.
Romans 13:13, TLB
“Be decent and true in everything you do so that all can approve your behavior. Don’t spend your time in wild parties and getting drunk or in adultery and lust, or fighting, or jealousy.”
Dating should not include a sexual relationship.
I Corinthians 6:13,18, TLB
“But sexual sin is never right: our bodies were not made for that, but for the Lord. . .That is why I say to run from sex sin. No other sin affects the body as this one does. When you sin this sin it is against your own body.”
Keep yourself pure.
I John 3:3, TLB
“And everyone who really believes this will try to stay pure because Christ is pure.”
To keep from hurting ourselves, sexual desires and activities must be placed under Christ’s control.
I Thessalonians 4:3-5, TLB
“For God wants you to be holy and pure and to keep clear of all sexual sin so that each of you will marry in holiness and honor–not in lustful passion as the heathen do, in their ignorance of God and his ways.”
The Oxford Advanced Dictionary of Current English defines “to court” as to “to try to win the affection of, with a view to marriage.” The Words “courting” and “dating” are interchangeably used.
Therefore, dating is a period during which two people of opposite sexes (believers in Christ Jesus in our context) have sought the face of the Lord and are convinced to marry, relate, and walk together. The period of courtship may be six months, one year, two years and so on depending on circumstances.
Hebrew 13:4 “Marriage should be honored in all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral” NIV
Amos 3:3 says, “Can two walk together, except they be agreed?” KJV. Dating can be described as a time during which the intended spouses get to know each other, their differences, likes and dislikes. Courtship provides the partners with an opportunity to ascertain whether or not they are compatible. It is necessary for them to be compatible since they may not necessarily come from the same cultural, social and economic backgrounds.
The Holy Spirit does this in people when we allow Him. Dating is a period of preparation, which most likely ends in marriage.
What is a kiss?
This is a touch with the lips to show affection or as a greeting. There is nothing bad in this provided the devil our archenemy will not take advantage of it against the people dating. There is a psychology that come between two opposite sex when they are too intimate especially when they kiss each other. In the Western world, kissing may possibly be done in good faith according to the above definition. However, even in that setting the devil has been taking advantage of it there. Give the devil a foot, he will go a mile to destroy you and your testimony.
Everything is a matter of the heart:
Proverbs 6:25 “Do not lust in your heart after her beauty or let her captive you with her eyes”.
When one is dating, there is the likelihood that there will be too much closeness. If we are really Christians that have been translated into the Kingdom of His dear Son, we should leave kissing with the people in the world. The people in the world that are dating may do so. The devil may graduate from lusting into sinning which can ruin/destroy our life. It can also mar our testimony.
I remember some years ago, a prayer warriors’ leader in one of our Universities in Africa was dating a girl. The girl was sitting on his lap. Unknowingly and because the man is not an iron, he release sperm which found its way into the private part of the sister. The sister was confirmed to have been pregnant after about three months of this “child’s play”. The medical report indicated that this sister was a virgin.
The little sperm that found its way inside her vagina did the work of conception without sexual intercourse. Lust will certainly breed sin. Let us remember that there is a sin you sin against God and yourself. This is the sin of fornication and adultery.
I Peter 1:15 “But just as he who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do; for it is written: “Be ye holy, because I am holy”.
Colossians 3:5-8 “Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature; sexual immorality, impurity, lusts, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. Because of these, the wrath of God is coming. You used to walk in these ways, in the life you once lived. But now you must rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips”.
It is not OK for those dating to kiss because you are not yet in holy matrimony. When you kiss yourselves while dating, the devil can take advantage of it. Even if you are not dating and you kiss yourselves with an ulterior motive, you have sinned. Check your motive. Is it of God? If it is not of God, refrain and repent from it today. The devil is cleverer than you are. He may get you into his kingdom if you are not careful.
Recommendation of What to do During Dating:
“For which of you, intending to build a tower, sitteth down first and counteth the cost, whether he have sufficient to finish it? Lest haply after, heath laid the foundation, and is not able to finish it, all that behold it begin to mock him, say, This man began to build, and was not able to finish (Luke 14:28-32) KJV.
Brethren, courtship is the time to plan, pray and decide on the followings:
It should be a time to know more about God, the Bible and pray together.
Let your location for these be a place that is not doubtful or suspicious.
Choose a school field, your church auditorium with the permission of your pastor. Remember we are peculiar people. Christians are chosen generation.
You must show the praise of Him who hath called you unto glory.
(a) When do we get married?
(b) What things should we procure before wedding, what are the basic things we need for our home?
(c) What is our vision for God? (“Where there is no vision, the people perish” (Pro. 29:18).
(d) How do we want our wedding to be? To what extent do we involve our parents in decision-making and sponsoring the wedding?
If you must greet yourselves, shake hands together. Avoid undue closeness.
Do not even sleep together in the same room talk less of the same bed.
If you do you are treading on dangerous ground. If you must appreciate gifts given, say thank you even without hugging. I hope I am not too harsh. This is to preserve your life and keep you testimony.
Conclusion: Though marriage is a God ordained, it is just a partial fulfillment of earthly joy. There is no marriage in heaven except the marriage supper of the lamp. Those lives that are without blemish will qualify for that. Hence, there is a need for consciousness and awareness of the fact that all that you do whether in dating or in marriage is going into record in heaven. God will punish you for whatever sin committed either in dating or in marriage!
“So I say, live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature. For the sinful nature desires what is contrary to the Spirit and the Spirit what is contrary to the sinful nature. They are in conflict with each other, so that you do not do what you want. But if the Spirit leads you, you are not under law. The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity, and debauchery, idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealously, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissension, factions and envy; drunkenness; orgies, or the like, I want you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the Kingdom of God”. Gal. 5:16-21 NIV.
God bless you!
Rev Debo Adeyemo
There are many references to the word ‘kiss’ in the bible, but are concerned with greetings and sign of affection or betrayal. Many involved men kissing each other which is still practiced in some cultures today. There does not seem to be an example of a loving kiss outside of marriage unless it was Jacob with Rachel.
Genesis 29:11-AV And Jacob kissed Rachel, and lifted up his voice, and wept.
This kiss took place at the time they first met. Jacob went on to become betrothed to Rachel and worked 7 years for her. He was tricked by Laban into marrying Leah and had to work another 7 years for Rachel. I am not sure from the context if this was a loving kiss, it could well have been a greeting kiss. There is also no evidence that the courtship involved kissing. It is certain that it did not involve fornication, from the text of the passage.
It is normal in our society for men and women to kiss each other as a sign of affection. In such instances it would not be normal to kiss someone unless love or at least fondness was involved. Having said that, it is evident that a kiss tends to arouse and is frequently the precursor to sexual intercourse. This is strictly forbidden for unmarried couples and those who are fortunate enough to be able to indulge in this pleasurable experience should keep that in mind.
I believe this to be another one of those things we have to exercise our own judgment on. If a couple can kiss and leave it at that, with a promise of more to come when they marry, what can be the harm? On the other hand if one feels that human weakness would lead to fornication if kissing was entered into, then it would be prudent to avoid it unless chaperoned.
There is no indication that kissing is a sin, and I don’t see why it should be except that it may lead to temptation to sin in the way of fornication.
Should that happen and these things do, you know? Then the following would apply.
Exodus 22:16-AV And if a man entice a maid that is not betrothed, and lie with her, he shall surely endow her to be his wife.
May God add His understanding to the readers….
“It is all okay to show your affection, love, and caring attitude to your loved ones. There should be nothing wrong in kissing someone you love. Would you think it is wrong to send a “I love you” card when in love? What is the difference? When a kiss originates from the place of love, it is a beautiful gift to your loved one. Go ahead, kiss as much as you feel needed! She or he will appreciate it!..
It is very important to show our feelings and emotions to each other. It is part of interaction and communication between human beings. It begins when we are children. If a child is not given affection and care — he or she will not survive as well in this world as those babies who get lot of attention and caring.
So, kiss and be close to your loved one”.
The Bible talks about lovers a lot. I think it is not immoral to kiss one’s lover of the opposite sex.
Absolutely! God is the Author of romance. But not of lust. Lust is selfish, whether it is selfishly taking pleasure or selfishly giving sensations for your own glory. As long as our hearts are pure, there is nothing in the bible to condemn kissing.
In a practical sense, I recommend no touching where a guy or girl wears underwear. Lying down is also beginning to play with fire, and that’s when glorifying God starts to stop.
I believe you can glorify God with a good, honest, adoring, heartfelt, romantic, and above all loving kiss. God isn’t trying to keep romance FROM us, he’s keeping romance FOR us.
Honesty must be paramount. If someone knows the other is on a different level of expectation, they should be honest and not lead the other on. You should want to kiss as you want to give them a gift of a close and exclusive relationship. Christians should be ethical.
Hope this helps! God bless your kissing!